


Losing a part of myself.

by Crazyforjjp



Category: GOT7, JJ Project, Multi-Fandom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Excuse me while i go kill myself outta embarrassment, Friendship, Hope, Jinyoung breaks down, Other, and gets a grip on himself, freeform??, i guess, idk man, jaebum is kind of a jerk, my first time writing a fic so please excuse me hehe, well not exactly a happy ending but a hopeful ending, well you have a lot coming for you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 09:54:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11506968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazyforjjp/pseuds/Crazyforjjp
Summary: What hurt Park Jinyoung the most of when his best friends left him with no explanation.Park Jinyoung tried to get his best friend back.It didn't work out so,he got a grip on himself.





	Losing a part of myself.

"WHY'D YOU DO THAT?ANSWER ME,WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO IT."It doesn't sound like a question but Jinyoung replies,"You already know why."

"Jinyoungie,"Mark calms down and look around the whole room like as if he is sick of everything that is happening around him as he continues"you have me,Yugyeom, Shownu,Wonpil and a lot of people who love you for who you are."Mark sighs which makes Jinyoung feel so guilty for being the reason his friends have to go through so much of pain just because he-"Don't,"Mark says interrupting Jinyoung's thoughts,"No need to feel guilty we all would kill anyone who dare hurt you it's not burdensome"  
Jinyoung realizes that there are moments like this when he loves Mark so much for knowing him so well but then he's not him..Mark is not him.

Everyone has been quiet for so long Jinyoung's about to go back to his room to cry all by himself when all of a sudden Wonpil stands up and walks towards him,Jinyoung notices how tired he looks when he says,"Do want me to kill him for you?"

"Hyung,"Jinyoung realizes it is the first time Yugyeom ever spoke up while having a conversation like this which makes Jinyoung feel like he is committing a crime."I don't like to see you like this.It has been months.He is such a jerk that-"This triggers Jinyoung which makes him scold his younger brother and let go of everything that he has been keeping inside the whole day"NOOO!!NOOO NOOOO..YOU DON'T KNOW HIM LIKE I DO,I KNOW THAT THERE IS A REASON FOR EVERYTHING THAT HE DID BUT WHAT HE SAID THIS EVENING IT FELT LIKE AS IF I DON'T KNOW HIM AT ALL..MAYBE HE IS JUST REALLY GOOD AT ACTING I DON'T KNOW YUGYEOM-AH I AM NOT MAKING ANY SENSE RIGHT NOW THIS IS JUST TOO MUCH TO,"Jinyoung gulps and pauses for a second to hold back his tears,"I will explain everything later i-i- a-am sorr-ry"Jinyoung breaks down even after trying so hard to hold his tears cause he feels so weak after everything his bestfriend said to him this evening.He sees his little brother tearing up feeling sorry Jinyoung apologizes to everyone and runs back to his room.

Jinyoung gets inside his room and locks the door before anyone of his friends can enter.The room is pitch black just like his soul ever since his best friend left him outta nowhere with no reasonable explanation. Jinyoung trips over the night stand near his bed lost in his own thoughts to notice that he injured his toe.He lays down on the floor too hurt to do anything.After what felt like years he stands up and walks towards the bed to lie down to notice a knife and a suicide note he left on the bedside table before he went to meet Jaebum and confront him because a part of him felt like as if he deserved to die if it means that Jaebum won't be in his life anymore 'cause no Im jaebum,no life.

He takes the suicide note to read what he wrote a few hours ago that feels like a millennium. The note is short with really bad handwriting.He feels that the paper is wet he doesn't know the reason behind the note in his hand feeling so wet.Is it because he is crying right now or because he was crying the time he wrote this.He started reading the note 'Hey guys,I don't know which one of you got this first but umm so if you are reading this I am most probably dead by now...yikes...I know that I mean a lot to y'all and the feeling is mutual but I am going to go confront Jaebum and ask him why he left me??Why he just shoved me out of his life with no explanation??Why he stole my fucking heart and never gave it back??Why he had the nerves to take my soul with him when he left?!?!!?I know that everyone told me just let him go but it is not so easy..Ya don't understand and I am grateful for everything that you all have done for me but it is not the same.My whole life I depended on myself until he came and I felt like I could relax.I found a friend..a true friend I could trust with my eyes closed and the worst part is I still don't regret it even after everything he did.I am sorry..I love all of you.Mom,Dad,Sis,Mark,Yugyeomie,Wonpil,Shownu and all of my family and friends out there..Please don't waste your time crying for someone who only wasted their time on one person while others paid attention to him as well.I don't deserve it and I'm sorry'

 

Jinyoung rips the note and throws all the ripped pieces out of the balcony.The note gets wet and destroyed by the rain as it goes down the balcony to reach the lawn that hasn't been mowed in ages.He looks up into the sky to see dark clouds forming and the rain getting heavier.He looks down at the notes in his lawn only to see the mail box that had been destroyed by Jaebum when they were younger 'cause Jinyoung said that 'Hyung you only look strong.I don't understand why people think you are scary and can break their arms if they mess with me.It is highly likely you cannot even bend that mailbox over there' 

Jinyoung laughs at that thought but then stops when he sees his grandfathers old couch that Jaebum put up in his balcony after his grandfather died since Jinyoung kept crying and complaining about how he had nothing that belonged to his grandfather. Jinyoung doesn't have any idea where Jaebum got that from and whenever Jinyoung asked he will always say 'It's nothing.Just a little bit of help I got from your parents' That couch brought back a lot of memories.How the both of them would sit together to do homework and dare Jackson to make coffee for them and watch bambam and youngjae fight over whose dog is the most well behaved on the other side of the road.'Perks of having a couch in the balcony'said Jaebum the first time they saw the younger kids arguing also to see two elders judging them a block away.

Jinyoung walks back inside to dry himself and wear something comfortable in this cold weather.As he walks past his bedroom door to reach the bathroom he hears muffled sounds and guesses that his friends did not leave yet.He hates himself to be so hung over Jaebum when he has such amazing friends waiting outside just for him.

After doing his business inside the toilet he stands in front of the mirror.He is usually really confident about himself but today he really doesn't feel like himself.It has been months since he hasn't been feeling like himself 'cause his other half is missing.He feels like as if his skin is so pale it actually resembles Mark's cute vampire teeth.He knows his hair is dirty and he has to wash it as soon as possible if he doesn't want to go bald.His lips red and cut of all the biting he did to hold back his tears and refrain himself from saying something he will never mean to regret it forever.

Jinyoung's eyes catches a bleach bottle and he thinks to himself if he should just do it and kill himself but the thought of dying makes him cry a river.A part of him believes that he doesn't deserve to die for someone who just shut him out after years of being good friends for no god damn reason.Crying for a long time again Jinyoung curls up to a ball in a corner of the cold bathroom floor,naked repeating everything that happened earlier. 

"Jaebum hyung,"Jinyoung calls out to Jaebum.He has no hope that Jaebum will turn around but he did. Jinyoung feels his hopes getting up too high Jaebum still looks the same except he has dark circles around his eyes which makes Jinyoung worry about his health."It is the day we first became friends,remember?"Jinyoung tried to keep his mood as cheerful as possible.He feels like crying as he remembers the last time they look into each others eyes like this and it had been painful,"I know."Jaebum says and Jinyoung gets his hopes up to high that second because after a while he hears Jaebum say,"So what?"They stand there quietly looking at each others faces before Jaebum spoke up saying,"I am late do you have anything else to tell me?".Jinyoung won't let go of this chance without speaking about how he feels,"But we have been friends forever.What happened,hyung?Did i do something wrong?I'll make it up to you I promise!"Jaebum shakes his head and then starts off saying "Don't you remember?I clearly remember telling you a few months ago that you were just my plaything.It is not my fault you got clingy,GET!OVER!IT.Friends aren't forever Jinyoung. Never depend on others.You're so weak you can't even take care of yourself and I feel pity for you.Grow up man!"Jinyoung tears up the sec and looks into Jaebum's eyes to read him and for the first time Jinyoung feels like as if he is looking into a strangers eyes.Before Jaebum could walk away Jinyoung shouts out"Did you care about me even once?Were you lying to me the whole time."Jaebum turn around with a tired look on his face screaming -bitch I don't have time for this-but he still answers"Yes and No for both of the questions.Can I go now,Your majesty?"Jinyoung feels so numb and nods his head before running back to his house to see his friends standing outside disappointed by his actions.

Jinyoung feels himself falling asleep so he stands up,looks into the mirror, rinse his face and body with water before walking out and wearing some clothes to look nice. Jinyoung realizes that ever since Jaebum left he has been so hung up on him feeling insecure and crazy but Jinyoung overall knows that it is not his fault and it has never been his.He loves Jaebum .Jaebum was his best friend and he meant the world to him.Sadly he was..Jaebum played a role in helping Jinyoung becoming a better human being.He will always be grateful for that and he feels hatred towards Jaebum for the things he did the past few months,he knows he is not someone to feel hatred towards people and won't give a fuck about it after a few days but Jinyoung knows that he won't be so hung up on Jaebum that he can't continue with his life and make his loved ones worry about him like crazy.No!Just No!

Jinyoung believes he will become a better person without Jaebum. That he will stand up for himself with no Jaebum. Jinyoung knows that it is easier said than done but he is gonna try.There are people around this world with a life way worse than him.He has a family and trust worthy friends unlike some people..Best part of it all is he has himself.His talents.His amazing persona that clearly cannot be seen by his former best friend.

After Jinyoung put on some decent clothing he unlocks the door which doesn't go unheard by his friends and falls asleep ready to start anew tomorrow after apologizing to his friends and family. Jinyoung is not going to throw away everything related to Jaebum because he doesn't want to let go of the sad or happy memories that played a part in who he is today. Jinyoung has had up and downs in his life.So does everyone.Losing Jaebum is the worst that ever happen.He knows it will take him a few years to completely recover from everything that happened in the past few months,but he is okay.He is okay right now.He has hope that he will be a better person on his own.

Hope is the best feeling!!Even when you are lying on your death bed having hope is the best feeling ever.

**Author's Note:**

> I believe that this is a pretty okay fic.I can write a series if i want to as well so if y'all want a series than you get one so comment down and let me know if you want a series and if you like it.Ya know what i suck at this shit lemme go die....


End file.
